Divorce Mediation NJ - Mediator helps in Reconciliation & Mediation in New Jersey and worldwide

WE ARE HERE TO BUILD RELATIONSHIPS -- WHETHER YOU DIVORCE OR NOT

Divorce can break both relationships and people, and our job is to make sure that does not happen. We know how painful and difficult facing divorce can be. "I am Stan Posthumus, and I am here to be your friend and confidant to see that you, and especially your children, come through this without being broken."

Whether you are facing a divorce, or minor relationship conflict, you will eventually be required to make decisions about things you have never considered. We are here to help make sure that you make good ones. With decades of experience, specializing in divorce and family relationship problems, we operate not only here in New Jersey, but across the country and internationally as well! Whatever your questions may be, please feel free to call me today for your FREE CONSULTATION! CALL 1 888 735-2838 or TOLL FREE 1(888)REL-ATE8 .

Still have questions? See what our clients have to say, or just watch their video testimonials! We take pride in being different from other mediators and lawyers. Here at BeyondWinWin, innovation is a habit.

POINTS TO CONSIDER: HOW TO FIND THE BEST SOLUTION FOR YOU

Click on each item below to see more details:

Qualifications – As the developer of Focused Thinking Mediation I have studied mediation over 20+ years and am uniquely qualified as a mediator and trainer of other mediators
  • I have studied communication, conflict resolution and mediation for over 20 years.  In contrast most mediators and lawyers who call themselves mediators have only taken a 40 hour mediation course, and do not view mediation as their main livelihood.
  • My private mediation practice is full time and have experience mediating over 2000 divorce cases.
  • I have one of the highest mediation success rates (95+%) including high conflict cases.  Virtually all matters are settled amicably and in a lasting way which is important for the sake of your children and for your relationship as parents.  Most mediators have a settlement rate of about 60% and are unable to help with high-conflict cases.  Lawyers "win" 50% of their cases and lose 50%.
  • This was the subject of a study in the Michigan Family Courts that found even couples who had spent up to 10 years litigating and been in court up to 200 times for divorce related disputes were helped in a way that taught them to communicate and resolve their own issues successfully in the future.
  • I have trained numerous other mediators and presented workshops to professionals at mediation conferences world-wide.
  • I am affiliated with the recognized professional mediator associations and serve on their committees and panels.
  • I have degrees in social work and law and worked in a law firm specializing in divorce prior to becoming a mediator.
  • I pride myself on professionalism and personal attention and most of my clients come from referrals - that speaks volumes!
  • Refer to the credentials page for more details and review the client testimonials.
Does your spouse refuse to listen? - At Beyond Win-Win you will learn valuable communication skills that will improve all your relationships! Think of the benefits for your children!

 I believe that all we need to solve every problem is enough information – along with the know-how to use it.  A key element of Beyond Win-Win mediation is focus on communication and relationship building, whether or not you decide to divorce.

  • I developed Focused Thinking Mediation over many years.  This methodology embodies a unique way of understanding and explaining communication that empowers both talking and listening. What you learn about communication during the mediation will be useful to you in every walk of life - in all your relationships.
  • Communication is the key to problem solving in relationships.  I am an educator as well as a mediator and after training many mediators I decided to incorporate some of the lessons into actual mediations.   The results were phenomenal as I found that couples who had undergone training in communication skills were able to resolve their issues much faster and more amicably.
  • Through Focused Thinking Mediation couples learn how to put their two disparate 2-dimensional pictures of their realities together into a 3 dimensional picture of one and the same reality.  I will teach you to communicate differently, to build the relationship you want, to change to be who you want to be, and to resolve conflict in a way that builds relationships you want.
  • You will learn to communicate differently so you get different results. We teach you to communicate differently, how to build the relationship you want, how to change and how to resolve conflict in a way that builds relationships.
  • You will find that the communication skills taught and reinforced by the mediator will help guide you to a rapid settlement of the various issues related to the divorce
    • Child custody, child support, and visitation / parenting is all about what is in the best interests of your children and should not be influenced by selfishness on the part of a parent who does not want to pay, or vindictiveness towards a soon to be ex-spouse.
    • Division of assets can be more easily agreed if both parties can truly see the other’s point of view and work together on creative solutions that they own with the mediator as a facilitator.

Lasting Results – You’ll learn how to resolve future conflicts jointly without having to return to mediation.

 A great side effect of the Beyond Win-Win mediation style is that you will learn to put the communication skills and techniques learned in mediation into practice to prevent and resolve future conflict, not just manage it.

  • Many divorced parents experience trouble cooperating with their ex on matters that impact their children including the need to adjust parenting plans as the children get older or situations change for one reason or another.  I will help you build a more amicable relationship and learn how to resolve issues that will inevitably come up in the future by yourselves without having to resort to litigation or further mediation.
  • In contrast lawyers or other mediators will help you come up with a short-term agreement and encourage you to return to them for help next time you face a problem.  Healing relationships is beyond the scope of regular mediators and lawyers. They do not see their task as educating those in conflict how to create new relationships.
  • Children suffer more with unresolved conflict than divorce.  If you are already divorced and still experiencing pain and conflict it’s not too late to benefit from mediation.   Knowledge is power and you can construct new relationships when you learn how they work.  Resolving conflict together is the very best way to build a new (better) relationship even with an ex-spouse.

Is Divorce your only option? - Many couples reconcile after Beyond Win-Win style mediation!

 Many couples have changed their minds many times before engaging a lawyer or mediator.  I believe that lawyers and most other mediators make a mistake in guiding the couple towards a divorce as the only possible outcome for the issues facing them, and that the issue of whether to divorce or not is often one of the core issues that should be resolved in the mediation. Consider these points before choosing a mediator:

  • Research shows that in 80% of cases one party does not believe that divorce is the solution to the problems the couple is facing.  Beyond Win-Win mediation will help you come to a joint decision whether to divorce or not, like you made a joint decision to get married.
    • With Beyond Win-Win mediation, we will start by exploring what issues have led to the breakdown of the marriage.  This is not designed as marriage therapy, but I have found that as both parties hear each other’s reasons for unhappiness, and learn better ways of listening and communicating with each other, the obstacles that stand in the way of agreement over whether to divorce or not are overcome with the help of the mediator.
    • The point of the mediation is not marriage therapy, but many couples who engage me to mediate their divorce settlement have changed their minds as a result of the mediation and have gone on to rebuild a healthy and happy lasting marriage.
    • Please take the time to review the videos on the testimonials page.
  • Those who divorce will also improve their future relationships by applying the listening and communication skills learned during the mediation.
  • Other professionals in general are very careful to keep 'counseling' and 'therapy' out of mediation. They stay away from healing old wounds.  This tends to perpetuate the aggravation and tension that couples must endure, and it is often the children who suffer more than the parents.

Compassion and personal attention – You need someone with empathy and personal commitment to your case to help you through your divorce.

 I know just how difficult and complicated it can be to face divorce and navigate ‘the system.’  I am entirely focused on helping you through what could otherwise be the most painful experience of your life.  Consider these points:

  • Regular mediators see their work as only to divide assets and the children.  Once done they leave you to "the system".  They are not there to help you with any more than a legally based agreement. Most are also driven by the 9 to 5 business model and you will likely get an answering machine or a receptionist.   In contrast when you call me you will always get personal and confidential attention.
  • I have worked with people all my life, first as a social worker helping alcoholics and delinquent youth, then as an army welfare officer, then in a family law firm, and for the last 20+ years as a full time mediator specializing in divorces.   While working as a lawyer would probably have been more lucrative, I found that the adversarial system was terribly bad for the divorcing couples and made me unhappy along with them.
  • As a relationship specialist I have spent years studying the effects of different methods of mediation and I truly believe that you will not find a more attentive and compassionate mediator.  I do not keep clients at arms’ length.  I make sure that both parties know they should be comfortable calling me for help at any time.  Having suffered divorce myself I know how much it hurts and am here to be a friend and confidant to see that you and your children come through this without being broken.
  • Although my aim is not to be a marriage counselor or therapist, you will find that the techniques used are somewhat therapeutic. 

Speedy Resolution – Most cases will be settled in one or two sessions so you take minimal time off work.

 

  • Because the Beyond Win-Win mediation style is very efficient at solving your issues in the least amount of time, you will have to take minimal time off work.  Often all matters are resolved in a single long afternoon session.   I have found that this is more effective than several hour-long meetings to keep the conversation flowing and avoid covering the same ground multiple times.
  • Typically you will get a written record of the mediation outcome (Memorandum of understanding) the same or the next day which you can then have reviewed by your attorney.
  • In contrast, regular mediators typically require many sessions over weeks or months, while litigation can take months or years to reach a settlement.

Convenient – I usually meet clients in their homes and adapt to your schedule

 I believe that the most comfortable setting for mediation is one where everyone can feel at home and be as relaxed as possible.

  • I will travel to your home to meet you, or arrange a neutral venue near your home.  You will not have to travel a long distance to my office and taking care of children will be easier.
  • I make myself available on occasional evenings or weekends if you are unable to get away from work during the week.
  • Regular mediators and attorneys require you and your spouse to take time off work and to travel to their offices during normal working hours.

Reasonable Fees – Clients have saved thousands of dollars!

 Divorce can wreak havoc on your financial stability for years to come.   I respect your need to resolve the issues facing you in the least possible amount of time without having to incur new debts.  Consider these points:

  • Lawyers seldom start with a retainer less than $3000 and litigation can cost tens of thousands of dollars.  I have helped many couples reach settlements even after they have wasted many months and vast sums of money on unsuccessful litigation.  
  • Mediation fees vary tremendously.  Some mediators offer a "free consult" to trap you into working with them. Free consults with lawyers will frighten you into fighting.  At Beyond Win-Win the initial telephonic consultations are always free.  I am happy to talk to you and your spouse individually about the mediation process and answer any questions you may have prior to meeting for the first time.
  • Professional fees are generally related to time spent.  Lawyers will likely ensure that your case is dragged on for as long as possible, and charge for every letter sent.  Mediations with less well trained mediators who focus only on mediating the settlement of issues will likely take much longer than the Beyond Win-Win approach where learning good ways of communication is a key element of the process.
  • With the Beyond Win-Win techniques most matters are settled with just one or two sessions, so fees will not be racked up for months with a nasty surprise at the end.
  • I understand if you are under financial stress – this is one of the leading factors for divorce.   I will not skimp on service because you have a limited budget and will work with you to build a payment plan that suits you.  I also offer a reduced fee for families who are truly in financial difficulties.
  • Please call to discuss fees as every case is unique, but rest assured you will never be over charged.

Professional References

 Please read or watch the client testimonials to see what past clients have to say about Beyond Win-Win mediation with Stan Posthumus.   These are personal references from judges, lawyers, therapists and men and women from every walk of life.