MEDIATION

Focused Thinking Style Mediation

Thank you for visiting BeyondWinWin.com.  Welcome to the site, I trust we can help you.  I am Stanley Posthumus MSW JD APM, and I have been a full-time professional mediator for 20 years.

My major professional achievement has been a lifetime of service to families in crisis facing divorce.  To achieve the best results I have developed and researched Focused Thinking Mediation. This process uses language as a technology to enable people to be ‘who they want to be,’ through their communication with self and others, to build resilient relationships, master personal and inter-personal change and to resolve conflict in a way that is constructive for their relationships.

Divorcing couples that learn and apply this technology reconcile and maintain lasting healthy and happy relationships in about 80% of cases.  When applied in high conflict cases about 95% of cases are settled as shown by research in the Family Courts, compared to no settlement at all with regular mediators. In most cases where this approach is applied there is a 99% settlement rate compared to a 50% to 60% settlement rate in regular mediation.

Reconciliation is not the goal, but the outcome of a process that is neutral, impartial and non-judgmental - unlike regular mediation that is focused on divorce and division of assets and liabilities alone. If we were to take one side and motivate towards reconciliation we would not be neutral or impartial.  Consider that most people change their minds many times before deciding to divorce; then why does the one who does not want a divorce always "win" and never change his or her mind?

Divorce reconciliation is unusual in the legal system and in regular mediation. The system works on an assumption that couples litigating 'both' want a divorce. In fact research shows that those cases that go on forever are the ones where one of them does not want a divorce.

As a mediator I am committed to helping couples restore their relationships as parents for the sake of their children. I do not believe a mediator is responsible solely for resolving a single dispute.  A good mediator is able to teach couples how to resolve conflicts going forward.  A very good mediator will help couples resolve conflict constructively in the future and be able to teach their children how to do that so that they do not land in the same position - facing divorce themselves.

Divorce coaching is part of what I do to help individuals through  a most difficult process.  There are many scenarios, but everyone deals with things differently and everyone needs different types and amounts of help at different times.  My services stretch beyond helping couples together to the point of individual coaching to "be who they want to be."

I see myself as a "family mediator" rather than a divorce mediator.  Family is forever. I see family as the cornerstone of society and we have a responsibility to raise our children to communicate better than we do, have better relationships, care for others and we need to show them how they can be truly happy through their relationships.

While I travel worldwide for mediation NJ is my home.  New Jersey is central to the northeast and is ideally situated to cover a large population of clients.  I travel to client's homes.  This is convenient and private and keeps costs to families as low as possible.

My practice as a mediator is more focused on communication and relationship education than marriage counseling in NJ. Divorce mediation NJ is all about "winning." I believe that beyond divorce great relationships are possible especially as parents, no matter what the history involved.

Divorce mediators NJ are in general all about the outcome, rather than the process.  Their sessions are usually short and focused on who gets what according to the law rather than on fairness and finding absolutely creative outcomes.  These are not usually possible unless there is great communication and unless trust can again be established.

Marriage Counseling NJ is all about dealing with pathology.  In my experience there is very little "illness" and "pathology" around that needs "therapy" or counseling.  My approach is that every problem can be resolved with enough information and every conflict is just an emotionally laden problem.

Please pick up the phone and call me at any time.  There is no obligation.  If I can I will talk to you right away so you can decide if you like my approach and what I can promise.

If I am not immediately available because I am with people, I will call you back in complete confidence and will be absolutely discrete.  I look forward to hearing from you.

Stan Posthumus  973 428-1034 or TOLL FREE 1 888 REL-ATE8

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