Beyond Win-Win Divorce Mediation Process

Most couples seek mediation to resolve problems, situations, and conflicts relating to:

  • money
  • sex and intimacy
  • child raising
  • religion
The legal system is complicated and expensive and the adversarial process causes financial, emotional and psychological harm to spouses and children. As a relationship specialist, Stan Posthumus puts family first.

The Beyond Win-Win divorce mediation process aims to achieve a lasting conciliation so that you can resolve future problems amicably without the need for future intervention.


The Beyond Win-Win Mediation Process

  • Stan Posthumus helps couples reach their own settlements quickly and in a way that is least harmful especially if there are children. The mediation is truly neutral, impartial and non-directive. This means that, as a mediator, I never take sides or tell you what you should do. The outcome is a joint decision reached by both parties, and the mediator is primarily a facilitator who hears both parties, and helps both parties to hear each other.

  • Typical mediations with Stan take a minimum of 3 hours and typically 4-6 hours.  In one short four to six hour session I will help you resolve most of the issues you face at a tiny fraction of the emotional and monetary cost compared to engaging lawyers or other mediators. Ideally you should plan to take a day off work and make alternate arrangement for childcare.   In more complex cases a follow-up session is needed, but in the majority of cases a settlement will be reached in a single session.
  • Stan will travel to your home or a mutually agreed neutral meeting spot, where both parties can be comfortable talking through the issues surrounding the divorce.  Experience has shown that this creates a more relaxed environment that is conducive to mediation, than the typical office setting.
  • Like regular divorce mediation Stan will help with all aspects of divorce, but he offers more. He spends time with you teaching new ways of communicating. You will hear each other in ways you never thought possible. You will get help with all aspects of divorce, especially when it comes to children and parenting to assure their peace, success and happiness.
  • You will deal with every issue you can think of, including:
    • child custody - We will develop a parenting plan together, one you both like.  We will also cover all the essential elements like the same calendar in each home and the best way to keep in touch with your kids when they are not with you.
    • child support and alimony
    • parenting and visitation
    • division of assets and debts
    • primary residence
    • investments and insurance policies
    • taxes
    • grandparents rights, step-parents, and new relationships
  • Refer to the Preparing for Mediation page for suggestions on details that you should gather in preparation for the mediation session.  Taking a few hours to write down details on issues that need to be resolved through mediation will save time and keep your costs down.


  • Client confidentiality is extremely important in the mediation process.  The mediator will not share information with third parties and will treat all correspondence with confidentiality and discretion.
  • In mediation everything you discuss is confidential and protected by the laws governing settlement negotiations.  What you say in the mediation cannot be used in court or anywhere else against you later.
  • An amicable setting lets you both consider various creative options and allows time to explore the benefits and disadvantages of each option.  Only when you are sure will you commit to a settlement, not before

Divorce Settlement Agreement

  • At the conclusion of the mediation process you will be provided with a record of the agreements reached in what is called a Memorandum of Understanding. This mediation settlement agreement is a record of all aspects of the mediation, including division of property, child support, schooling, vacations, provisions for future dispute resolution etc. 
  • In the case of a divorce settlement, both parties are advised  o consult with their attorneys, to formalize the Memorandum of Understanding into a Divorce Settlement Agreement. While Stan Posthumus has legal training and seven years family law experience he does not practice as an attorney so always advises clients to have their lawyers review the settlement agreement.
  • During the mediation session, a lot of material is covered and many people find it difficult to remember all that was discussed and learned. On request, Stan can video tape the session and send it to both parties on DVD to refer back to, to refresh themselves on the communication skills and techniques learned. This also provides a useful means of resolving any questions that may arise over what was agreed.

Beyond Win-Win Divorce Mediation Success Rate

  • Stan Posthumus has a remarkably high success rate in excess of 95%, whereas other regular mediation techniques achieve less than 70% success rate.
  • During 2000 and 2001, a study in the Michigan Family Courts referred Stan Posthumus 50 high conflict divorce cases for mediation to test the success of Focused Thinking Mediation.  Most of these cases had been in court multiple times - some as many as 200 times over 10 years of repeat litigation.  The results of the mediations were tracked after 2 years and only 4 out of 50 cases had returned to court.  The communication and conflict resolution skills learned by the parties as a by-product of the mediation with Stan, allowed them to settle future disagreements amicably without the need for further intervention or litigation.  For more details on this study please refer to Judge Brown's discussion on the 'cases from hell' on the reference page.
  • If you are asking yourself, "Is divorce the only answer, or even the best solution?", or if you are in a relationship where only one of you wants a divorce, then Beyond Win-Win is the right place for you.   The techniques used by Stan Posthumus will help you reach a common understanding of the issues facing you, and help you see the same picture whether you decide to divorce or not. 

Competitive Pricing

  • Many people seek a cheap divorce.  At Beyond Win-Win, the focus is on reaching an amicable settlement in a relatively short time frame through helping clients get over any animosity and working together on the best settlement for them.   This ensures a very inexpensive divorce settlement.
  • The vast majority of clients reach a full settlement of all issues in one 4-6 hour mediation session. Compare this with the likely costs of multiple consultations with lawyers and other mediation techniques.
  • The exact price will be determined based upon the services offered, time spent and your unique situation, but we can guarantee that you will not be over charged.   In the initial free telephone consultation I should be able to give you an initial estimate based on information available.
  • Mediation fees are typically per hour or per day plus travel if more than 50 miles from Central New Jersey.   
  • Clients have found that Beyond Win-Win fees are inexpensive and excellent value for money.  Refer to the references page.
  • Stan will help you keep lawyers costs to a minimum by preparing a Memorandum of Understanding which can be used in a divorce settlement agreement. 
  • Some clients even proceed prom the mediation to a "do it yourself divorce".  The courts refer to this as a 'pro se' divorce (without attorney representation).  If you want to learn more about the New Jersey Divorce process you can read this guide and review the New Jersey courts documentation.


  • As you probably know, divorce is often extremely costly. But it does not have to be!  Because of the high success rate achieved in the focused Beyond Win-Win mediation session, you are likely to save thousands of dollars, often tens of thousands.
  • Payment for in person sessions is generally due upon completion of the session, but flexible payment options are negotiable. Payment should be made by personal or bank check.
  • Payment for telephonic or long distance sessions, will usually be billed in advance. 
  • If a video recording of the session is requested this will be billed at $20.
  • If extensive travel (outside New Jersey) is necessary then the clients are typically responsible for all travel related expenses in addition to the mediation or training fee.