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WE SPECIALIZE IN REBUILDING RELATIONSHIPS WHETHER YOU DIVORCE OR NOT
Conflict hurts, we can help.
Whether you divorce or not we can help create a better relationship.
Improving relationships is what we are about. One can find pleasure in many places, but we recognize that relationships are the only place we can find true happiness. We can help you build the peaceful, happy and successful relationships you want.
Twenty-plus years ago we noticed that many divorcing couples reconciled spontaneously during mediation or soon after. We used video as our microscope and discovered the secret – careful use of language can spontaneously transform conflict between two people into understanding – and we named the discipline Focused Thinking. We use simple ideas, tools and skills that can improve every kind of relationship.
Our focus on building relationships continues. We have expanded from mediation to relationship building programs for couples at all stages of their lives, and training programs for schools, businesses and corporations.
Every day we improve what we do to help couples who are facing divorce, even those in high-conflict situations. Many reconcile spontaneously! Our focus is on results - to change couple’s unhappy relationships into healthy and happy divorces or healthy and happy marriages – for the sake of their children.
When clients call we tell them about Focused Thinking Technology and that we do 4 things that regular mediators / therapists / lawyers / others do not do.
• How to communicate
• How to have good relationships
• How to change
• How to resolve conflicts
FOCUSED THINKING TECHNOLOGY
Focused Thinking Technology can improve communication in every relationship. It can also help us change - at the deepest level - to be who we want to be.
How does it work?
The technology consists of a set of skills and tools to use to enhance our natural ability to communicate. These help build custom relationships that are stronger, healthier, and more resilient. At the root of the approach is a unique understanding of how communication helps us undertand at different levels.
Relationship specialists, communication specialists and educators use this technology. They use it to inform people about how communication works and how healthy relationships are constructed. The focus is on bringing about change and resolving conflicts in a way that is always builds the relationship.
Focused Thinking Technology relies heavily on theory developed by Stanley Posthumus. The theory offers a drastic new understanding of communication, relationships and conflict resolution. The paradigm shift is as dramatic as was the discovery that the world is round and not flat.
Focused Thinking theory holds that good communication works between individuals in exactly the same way it does within them. An individual understands reality by the three dimensional experiences of seeing, hearing, feeling, and balancing. Those experiences happen through natural communication between our two eyes, ears, hands and feet.
Understanding between individuals is achieved when they communicate in a way that combines their always different experiences and combine them into one shared experience. They share different experiences of one and the same reality. (and) The understanding two people share is their relationship and is more than either individual can experience alone.
The theory holds that the brain mediates (communicates) different experiences from the sensors (eyes, ears, hands, feet) in order to create an understanding of reality, in the same way the brain mediates the different experiences communicated with language (symbols and signs) to create understanding. This is the relationship two people experience.
Language that creates understanding, good communication, as opposed to poor communication, is thus best for building relationships. The language that specifically combines people’s always conflicting experiences into a shared three-dimensional experience. This is a shared experence of one and the same reality.
Applying Focused Thinking Technology involves learning a discipline. The goal is to use particular language to bring deep understanding. This language skill brings understanding like the communication between the eyes brings three-dimensional understanding. We can only truly understand, (see in three dimensions), with two eyes – when the left eye communicates naturally with the right eye.
A Relationship Revolution
We know that every aspect of our lives relies on relationships. Focused Thinking theory brings the ability to understand and the technology to enhance communication. This has wonderful implications.
Think what it means to be able to bring peace happiness and success to intimate and personal family relationships. It means we can do the same with extended family relationships, with business relationships, and with international relationships. Imagine the implications of guiding all human relationships to their natural potential – there is potential for peace on our planet.
Support for the Theory
Focused Thinking compared to Mathematics and Computer programming languages.
Once learned, Focused Thinking, exactly like mathematics, empowers people to resolve simple and complex problems that could otherwise not be (re)solved. Unlike the rigorous and difficult task of learning a language to program a computer to solve problems, Focused Thinking is simple – we all use language – all we need to do is to learn to focus on the language we use. Focused Thinking has identified and uses language to program our brain to solve relationship problems by combining people’s (always) different points of view into one shared experience (their relationship) – in the same way that we see in three dimensions when our right eye communicates with our left eye.
Mathematics revolutionized our world. Today people use the symbols and signs and ideas (language) of mathematics to solve math problems that would previously have been impossible. The technology comprises as set of symbols and signs, tools and skills to use them – a discipline that once mastered empowers us to solve complex math problems, and solve simple calculations in our head.
Focused thinking will resolutionize our world. Today people can learn the symbols and signs and ideas (the language) of focused thinking to solve relationship problems that would previously have been impossible. The technology comprises specific human language, (symbols and signs), tools and skills to use them – a discipline that once mastered empowers us to solve simple and complex relationship problems, a discipline as simple as doing a little math in our head.
The Fractal Phenomenon and Focused Thinking
A relationship is a three-dimensional experience created – in the same pattern (a fractal*) of all other three-dimensional experiences – by two experiences that, once communicated, vanish and are immediately replaced by a persistent new understanding.
For example, each eye has a different experience (sees something different and can never see the same picture), yet together they let us see in three dimensions. Once we see in three dimensions, we no longer see in two dimensions.
The earth once was flat and now is round.
We can create the relationships we want – peaceful, happy and successful. That power lies in language (symbols and signs) that communicates (mutually recognizes) different (even conflicting) experiences (points of view) and allows them to vanish and be replaced immediately by a persistent new understanding.
Definition:*fractal: In colloquial usage, a fractal is a simple geometric form that is recursive – almost self-similar – and can be subdivided into parts of different scale or levels of magnification, each of which is approximately a reduced-size copy of the whole. As a geometric object a fractal usually has a Hausdorff dimension which is greater than its topographic dimension and is too irregular to be readily described in Euclidean geometric language.
Simple examples in nature: a fern leaf, a snowflake, and a lightning bolt. Think about a large flea that has medium fleas that has small fleas that has tiny fleas, ad infinitum and you will experience an example. The term first used by Benoît Mandelbrot in 1975 has its derivation in the Latin fractus meaning “broken” or “fractured.”
Independent Research with Extremely High-conflict Family-court Cases
Research was conducted in 2002/3 to determine the effectiveness of Focused Thinking Technology in high-conflict couples -- litigants in Family Court, some of whom had been litigating for 10 years, others who had been in court as many as 200 times.
The researcher spent four and a half hours with each of 50 couples in an attempt to help them permanently settle difficult and emotional cases involving children, custody, and change of domicile from state to state. "These are our hardest cases" said Judge Helen Brown (Wayne County Family Court).
96% of couples settled their differences in the allotted time. Some of the judges were skeptical about the long-term effects of the settlements, believing All had failed in prior attempts at regular mediation. Two years later 94% of the high-conflict couples had kept to their agreements and had not returned to court.